and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
