There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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