I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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