I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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