Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Randomize