but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
