Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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