May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
