Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
is it fun? or sober?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
