my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize