She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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