Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
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