When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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