its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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