We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Randomize
