wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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