A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
