so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
