my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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