people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
