He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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