How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
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You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.