Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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