go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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