How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
