I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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