i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
