I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just tell him i said nine months
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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