Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
