I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
