Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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