Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
