I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
