I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
ttyl tear gas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
