I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
