Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
