I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
we're so committed to being not committed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
