I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
sex in a hospital.. check
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
