Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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