When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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