I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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