Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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