I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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