erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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