I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
