they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
