It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
