I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
