i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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