i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
