I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
my god I love twenty year old dicks
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
