very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
