This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
