You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
