I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
