im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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