Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
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