I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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