i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
