I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
