If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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