Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
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