I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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