she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
