i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
