I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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