Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
