You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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