If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
