Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize