I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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