This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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