If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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