she woke up with a sticky ear
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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