No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
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You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
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I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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