What a fucking waste of an outfit
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
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